When You’re Not Working in Biglaw Anymore…

When you’re not working in biglaw anymore, each day is so different from the one before it, and life feels easier and more enjoyable.  I don’t feel the minutes, hours, days or weeks dragging on for what seems to be an eternity, as they felt when I was working in biglaw.  I no longer dread waking up in the morning.  I look forward to each day as an opportunity to learn something new and do something a little different, rather than doing the same routine tasks over and over, taking the same route to work everyday, and eating at the same lunch spots that I’ve been eating at for years.  In short, I no longer feel like my life is on autopilot.  I feel like I’ve taken control over my life again.

This time off was so necessary for me and I am so glad I made it happen. I can’t believe why I struggled for so long to take the time off. Now I see it clearly – I thought I would be letting others down. Now I also realize that my fear was unfounded. Everyone is supportive of you when you are pursuing your own happiness and your own journey. And many people admire the courage it takes to go down this path less traveled.

I struggled for a while with feelings of guilt for not being as productive as I would like to be, but then I realized that I was being too hard on myself.  Just because I was doing different things than what I was accustomed to doing, didn’t mean I wasn’t doing anything useful with my time.  This took me a long time to realize.

Now I’ve reached a point of acceptance.  Acceptance of all the things as they are, and acceptance of the unknown future.  There’s a part of me that is in fact excited by the infinite unknown possibilities of the future, and by the fact that I am living on my own terms.

I would rather choose this way of life, because at least there is an element of unpredictability to it.  And at any moment, I can pick up and go somewhere else if I wish to.  I am not under someone else’s control and I no longer feel like I’m stuck in a rut doing the same thing everyday.  That is the most satisfying aspect of this experience so far – living on my own terms and having the freedom to be myself and express my true self, instead of pretending to be someone else.

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